From today's Metro: "Police called to a stable found a naked man covered in olive oil and oats being licked by a horse. Alfred Steven told them he was living out a lifelong fantasy. The 69 year old from Santa Barbara, California, was charged with trespassing, animal cruelty and sexually assaulting an animal."

I guess the next time he's where-ever-old-poeple-hang-out could be a bit awkward. It might sound a bit like this:

Eve: So hows life? OH GAWD don't look now, it's Alf!
Elsie: Er, why, what's wrong with Alf?
Eve: Don't you know!? He feeds horses oats!
Elsie: ... so what's wrong with that?
Eve: He uses olive oil!
Elsie: ... do horses dislike olive oil?
Eve: No! He's naked covered in olive oil and oats making the horses lick him!
Elsie: Oh!!!

Anyway, is it really cruel to feed a horse oats?